Peep or Consequences

Peep or Consequences

Captain James T. Kirk felt something squish as he sat down in his command chair. He stood up to see what it was. Lt. Uhura started to giggle. Kirk turned to face her; as he did Sulu and Chekov did their best to smother laughter.

“What’s so damned funny?” The captain demanded to know.


“Keptin, you have a… a squeeshed cheek, tee hee, a squeeshed peep on your, your posterior, sir.” Chekov managed to gasp out.

Kirk reached back and came away with a sticky, sugary, yellow mess looking up at him one painted brown eye. He threw the squeeshed, er, squished peep onto the deck. Kirk turned to Commander Scott at the Engineering station.

“Mister Scott, I want these things off my ship! I don’t care how you do it. I want them off!” Jim staked off the bridge to change pants and collect his dignity.

Later that day, Lt. Commander Spock noticed anomalous power fluctuations coming from the shuttle bay. He wanted to investigate and said so Captain Kirk. Jim told him to be careful and to take a couple of security officers with him.

As they approached the bay, they heard the sound of phaser fire. Spock signaled for the guards to stop and motioned them into position. Ensign Hershey positioned himself to the left of the door and Ensign Nestle was on the right. After a silent three count, Spock opened the door. When it sweeshed, damn it, swished open Nestle and Hershey dove in combat roll style, while the First Officer commanded “Freeze”.

The dozen or so Enterprise personnel on the other side of the hatch froze. Mr. Scott and Doctor McCoy raised their hands into the air. Lt. Riley dropped his phaser and hit the deck. Mr. Spock and his security detail stood there dumbfounded.

McCoy snapped; “What in the Sam Hill are you doing, Spock?! Iffen y’all wanted a turn all y’all had to do was ask.” He motioned to the contraption on the aft wall. It was a shooting gallery with yellow, pink, purple and blue targets; targets in the shapes of chicks and bunnies. Some went around in circles, some popped up and some swung back and forth on candy striped pendulums.

Spock lowered his weapon and turned to the astonished engineer. “Commander Scott, the Captain told you to remove these confections from the Enterprise.”

“Aye, he did.” The Scotsman conceded. “But if ye’ll recall, he said I don’t care how.” Scotty took aim with a Phaser 2 and disintegrated a swinging bunny. “As ye can see, yon wee bunny is nae more.” He smiled broadly pleased with himself. McCoy patted him on the back.
“I see.” Spock said slowly. “And what is Yeoman Rand doing?” He pointed to a mess table covered with peeps and other assorted food stuffs.
Janice stopped in mid-bite. She couldn’t answer her mouth was full. Sulu licked chocolate from the corners of his mouth and explained. “We are also destroying peeps, by making s’mores.” He fired a Phaser 1 on it lowest setting at a stack of graham cracker, chocolate and an unsuspecting yellow peep. A one second blast was all it took turn the marshmallow chick into a popped peep. He slapped a second graham cracker on top and offered it to Commander Spock.

“Vulcans do no eat sweets.” he said in that annoying, superior way Vulcans have.

“I’ll take it.” volunteered Hershey. He carefully bit into the piping-hot peep sandwich. “Hmmm, I gotta remember this recipe.” He offered a bit to Nestle.

Ensign Nestle sniffed and said “I do not eat chocolate.” Surreptitiously looking to his first officer for approval.

“Suck up.” A voice called from the open hanger door.

Spock and his team turned to see Captain Kirk standing there.

Jim chortled. “Well, alright, Scotty!” He put his hand out for a phaser and Riley slapped one into his palm. “This is more like it!” Jim took his stance at the line and began to fire. “Revenge is sweet!”



THE END (for now)